Online Dating – On Our Coping Mechanism in Break-Ups

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Well I am back with another post. It has been awhile because I took a little break with this blog.

Instead of talking about the bigger perspective of online dating relationships for now, I would like to talk a little about break-ups. No matter how many advices you have and the amount of crazy stuff you have done to lessen the pain, this is still probably the most difficult thing to accept when you are at the wrong end of a breakup.

So let us discuss here on some of the things about a breakup.

Some Heartache Symptoms That I Personally Indulge Myself In

I do not really know how to call it. Heartache symptoms? Coping mechanisms? Just some of the things we would normally do consciously or unconsciously when we suffer from a broken heart.

I just realized that as a guy, I am pretty sentimental. That means that when I face a heartache with a loved one or a breakup, I would actually be hearing love or sentimental songs that would cause tears to well up in my eyes.

Many of us have this inclination to drown ourselves in our emotional feelings with love and sentimental songs, which makes us a little comfortable but yet a little more painful in our feelings. Perhaps we just want to savor the sweet moments in our past relationship, and yet on the other hand it breaks our hearts even more.

Some people will seek to soothe their hearts by doing physically exercise, others by studying frantically, and the wild will go partying all night long. I myself may play lots of computer games just to forget the pain.

However all these are just some form or fashion to make ourselves feel a little better, but whether we really move on from our broken hearts is a big question mark. And these feelings are at its worst when we are alone, when our we have nothing to do because we cannot help but keep thinking about the pain.

Here are some tips to know when you are suffering from a broken heart:

1. It is good to cry.

People think that to be strong means we must not shed tears and to suppress your feelings, but I always feel that this is the worst form of weakness of all. That is because we as humans are all weak at some point of time and there is nothing to be ashamed in that.

By trying not to show your weaknesses to others by suppressing your feelings or not crying, you have just earned yourself the biggest ‘wimp’ title in my opinion because you think you are strong by appearing strong. The ones who really are strong are those who are honest about their vulnerabilities and weaknesses without having to put a strong front in front of other people. Come on, we all are weak at some point of time, what is there to hide?

Tears do have a healing effect. It sometimes have a lifting up effect in our hearts after we cry and it causes our minds to be a little clearer in our situation. Also, it helps us face our situation and not run away from them by indulging ourselves in activities.

There are people who just cry easily even if something small happens to them, and I am not talking about ‘crybabies’ who will flood the place with their tears. I am saying that our tears allow us to be honest with ourselves in our weaknesses, and it will help us to move on in the long run.

2. A good friend is a good gift from heaven.

Spending some time away with a good friend is good, because they can share your emotional burdens with you. If you realized, no matter how many advices and tips you can read or hear from other people, your feelings of negativity still stays.

However when you are around with a good friend, we normally feel better automatically, because we feel that at least we are accepted by this friend in the midst of all the negativity. That friend need not be there just to give advices or tips; you just need his or her presence to know that there are people who still care about you.

3. If possible, stop the very activity that you are obsessed in to make yourself feel better for just a moment.

Some of these activities seem truly harmless. Like studying frantically, or reading books frantically, they are ‘good’ activities that parents or other people will seem to think.

However your broken heart is still broken, and when you do well in your studies or your ‘harmless’ activities, many times you appear well and good in front of others, but your heart is still miserable and suffering. There are people who score well in their studies after a major heartache, because they poured out all their stress into their studies. Yet for years they couldn’t get into online relationship because they have not dealt with their broken hearts and they cannot bring themselves to trust in a love relationship once again.

Others also indulge in activities that harm the body, like drinking and partying all night to forget the sorrows.

If you do happen to know that you are indulging yourselves in these activities to escape your situation, do stop yourself or consult a good friend to help you out if you can.

4. Try not to take things personally in your break-up.

The blame game on others or even yourself does not help you to move on in life for the long run. Self-pity or harboring bitterness in your heart against another person does not help you to be happy and have a satisfying life.

Of course, if the breakup happened because your partner or you have been unfaithful, untrustworthy or whatsoever that either your partner or you cannot stand, it is a time of learning and correction. However blaming yourself or others still does not help you at all to have the satisfaction of life.

Everything has a timing and season to it. In this lesson of life, we need to learn to be timely in our situations and relationships so that things that matter to us will truly last for eternity. Let us hope for the future instead, and know that these seemingly bad situations can only happen to us now but not forever.

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